Careful what you ask for!

Finley overwhelmed by her fame.

"I want to know you more Lord."    "I feel like there is something more! What is your plan for us, Lord?" 

Ever pray a prayer like that before? I have.  And He answered.

In April we said we would pray about Makarios.  Within a few days we had "peace that surpasses all understanding".  In May we started getting our house ready for the market.  By June we were having yard sales, craigslisting our belongings, packing, storing, and trying to raise partnerships.  By August we were in Colorado for Missionary Training (MTI).   August 24th we were on a plane to the Dominican Republic with about 20 pieces of luggage and our 5 small children.

We arrived at the hottest time of the year,  shortly after the hurricane (Irene I think).  The power goes out several times a day as a normal,but there are inverters at the Makarios house.  But due to the storm, the inverters were not working properly... no A/C (ever) and now no fans.  No screens.  No place to put our unpacked belongings.  No furniture except beds. Dirty water.Tarantulas. Mice. Mesquitos. Cock Roaches. Lizards.Spiders.  Exhausted from the previous 4 months.  And we pretty much jumped into training.  Not to mention chasing a curious 2 year old and a crawling 9 month old who is teething. If the mooing cows next to our window wasn't cutting down our sleep hours, the 4 kids in one room above us did!

Culture shock? yes. Homesick? yes. Spiritual Warfare? yes. Discomforts?yes!!

My first five weeks here were... lets just say I was tempted to climb the highest mountain and jump off it as an airplane flew by hoping to catch a ride.

Each day as my expectations got further from reality, I crumbled.  I crumbled to the point of questioning God's presence, plan, and exsistence.  "Why are you not helping me through this transition Lord?" I would pray.  I spent time crying out to Him to help me adjust to the place He was calling us.  That is what He does, right? He gives strength, right?  He gives peace, right?  So why was I being excluded from that for 5 long weeks?  He sees everything, right? Doesn't He see me sobbing in the stairwell?  Doesn't He see me avoiding getting out of bed in the morning?  Where are you God? was my thoughts. 

My first ride on a moto! Personal space?

On a few occasions He brought John 15 to mind.  "I am the true Vine, and my Father is the vinedresser.  Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.  Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.  Abide in Me..."    Abide in Me is all I kept jumping out at me.  That is hard when you don't think you hear His voice or sense His presence.   It is hard when you wonder if the plan was the right plan.  I was starting to read a book by John Piper and it mentioned the scripture , Psalm 90:14, "satisfy us in the morning with you steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days."  Wait a minute!  Was I satisfied with His love when all of my comforts, I mean ALL, were taken from me?  I knew that my joy must not have been IN the Lord or why would I struggle so deeply? Yes, there is a sense of normalsy to struggle when going to a third world country, but could it be that when I was in the USA that I had joy because of His blessings and not because of the Giver Himself?  Whatever the answer, I knew this was worthy to ponder.  Lord, help me understand what it is to have JOY IN THE LORD.  See, as things were stripped from me, I realized I was without joy.   I started praying for supernatural strength and power.  I knew there was nothing I could do.  I needed the supernatural to stop the oppression I was experiencing, clear my head, change my heart, and give me peace.  About 4 days ago... I sensed the supernatural peace flow over me.  I haven't cried a tear since.  Praise the Lord.  Get my attention? Yes He did!  Did He give me a plan that wouldn't of been my choice? yes.  Did He use it to show me my sin? yes.  Did grace come along side of that? yes.  John 15 says that I am clean.  So He forgives me for not even being aware that my joy wasn't foundational in Him, but His blessings.  Do I know Him better? yes.  I know His character better.  He prunes, though painful, because He loves.  He loves me.  Now I know how to pray for what He has revealed to me and in me.  Psalm 90:14 is my prayer. Would you please pray for me that I will be satisfied in Him alone and have joy in Him alonel.regardless of the discomforts,culture shock, homesickness, and warfare.

So, that is what has been going on in my heart the last month.  Not fun, but worth it.  Worth it to know Him better.

Thank you all who have been praying for us.  Thank you for your encouraging words also.  I am grateful for the body of Christ.

Jen